And the battle goes on and on. Whatever the cause, I must fight the good fight and never let go of my eternal reward; which is the gift of grace, everlasting life with God, and grounded in His promises(Psa 16:11).

Oh Jesus, let all my 'no' be strong, so that I may resist the devil's temptation. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you"(James 4:7). When those temptations descended upon me, l sought  my strength in the Spirit who gave me the ability to resist it. You've taught me not to doubt to trust You and the Sin could be gone by simply saying, "NO". O LORD, as soon as my heart believed in your Word, it WAS my victory.  The refuge iI sought in Your word comforted and renewed my heart, and soul. Help me not be ashamed of my testimonies when I shared this with people. Let your servant continue fighting the good fight and save me from further shameful temptations that are not profitable or worthy of your Name. Amen.

My friend, the battle isn’t over yet and here is an update how I’m doing so far. Since I’ve used Galatians 5:16 “Walk in the Spirit and I will not gratify the desires of the flesh or simply saying, “No,” as lessened the SIN it hold upon me. It may be hard to believe, but this battle of the Spirit and flesh was something I’ve been struggling to fight back years ago, but didn’t have the willpower or the understanding how I got there. Now that I REALLY desire to please God and deal with this SIN, I plea with Him to help me out. He answered my prayer. “Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free.” (Psalm 118: 5)

For days, I’ve doubted the SIN could be overcome, because I was constantly harassed by the SIN, but kept saying Galatians 5:16 or ‘no., anyway. The SIN manifested so many times, that I ceased to count the strikes out of shame. I lifted my head and pray that God’s faithfulness and promise, He would help me defeat this SIN.

Be refusing to indulge in the SIN by saying Galatians 5:16 or No, a sad awareness of where and when the was taking hold of me. Interestingly, every single peaceful place I sought God, was replaced by the SIN. When I woke up, when I read the Bible, while I listened to the pastor, during our devotion, while in company of family or friend. Unceasing bringing me to a state of detachment from people and my husband, and wandered away from God unwillingly. It’s terrible! Graciously, God reminded me that I had to put on the whole armour of God.

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.” ~biblehub ESV

It came to revelation to me after I reflected on my life, that I had switched from the stress of anxiety and lustful impurity of the mind. All that was rooted deep inside because of a lack of affirmation in my youth and years of suppressing emotional feelings. When I figured that one out recently, it left me dumbfounded. It this sad the know that your past will affect the present.

In 2018, when we find our our youngest son would rather live for the world, I felt like the world suddenly collapse under my feet, and said to myself, “I pray for him. I’m a prayer-warrior!” That is exactly when my prayer-life came to an sudden stop. Sure looked like it. Soon after, I went into a mild depression for six month before I surrender to God my burden and trusted Him completely. I was brutally difficult. During that period, praying and journaling were pretty much non-hesitant.

Another thing collided with this lack of prayer was an series of stressful events that I could not longer controlled. By 2020, I was mentally exhausted as many of us were. The lies and deceit, I cannot tolerate but apparently we’ve to live in it now. This is our reality and new normal. This dormant weak SIN got out control, like a erupting volcano destroying whatever on its path. Will I ever know peace? Does God want me living in this sin eternally? NO. he does not! Jesus Christ atone for that SIN. So I know deep down, whatever lies goes into my mind, Christ’s love is superior and he had me covered. I will come out victorious.

Oh Lord, your servant is fighting the good fight. Gave me strength to endure it. Spirit, teach me to stand firm in my faith. Oh Jesus, cast out all evils from me and surround me with your loving grace. In Jesus Christ. Amen