Read Hebrews 12

The last few days have been brutality hard and couldn’t reasoned within myself and become uncontrollably satisfied with my carnal sin. Instead of accusing Satan’s evil schemes, I blamed myself for not wanting to resist those carnal desires. Reasoning my way out of this pit of sinful thoughts was no longer a drive but rested in total gratification in it. A self-destructive sin that left me exhausted, unfeeling, separated from God’s Word. At this point, I cannot start a Bible study or enjoy His Word when my days are filled with carnal thoughts. This must be addressed and I know that God’s wants me to focus on this sinful repeated offence.

Oh faithful servant of God; do not despair, but fight the good fight.

Here is my fight!

Under a blanket of remorse, with weary eyes cast down in utter misery, I’m unable to lift my head to the King of kings because of my great shame. In my heart, I know, He has died for those lustful sin too, but I kept my eyes gazed down, fearing that if I lifted them up, reproaches and discipline awaits me. I should fully deserved it from my Father. But my Father in heavens; a patient Father and merciful God, called me back to Him in love.

“28Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”~ Matthew 11: 28-30

Almighty God, hear your servant’s plea! Even if I’ve repented of this sin again and again, not a single day I’ve been released from this pinning sin upon my soul. Save your servant that I may not be ashamed. Holy Spirit, teach me not to crave for lustful worldliness, but Christ’s righteousness instead.

"115 Depart from me, you evildoers,that I may keep the commandments of my God. 116 Uphold me according to your promise, that I may live,and let me not be put to shame in my hope! 117 Hold me up, that I may be safe and have regard for your statutes continually" ~ Psalm 119: 115-117

Fatigued by this long-lasting emotional suppression and evil oppression unceasingly taunting me, caused a heavy burden upon my soul. This carnal sin comes back with a vengeance, afflicting me daily. Oh Father, I must take comfort in Your word,! Cast this shadow of darkness that enveloped with distress and shame. Let not evil oppression triumph over me, while I struggled in my sins. Oh Jesus, remove from me this blanket of shame and gave me victory over my instability.

“Peter, one of the most prominent disciples, often exemplifies instability through his impulsive actions and moments of fear. In Matthew 14:28-31, Peter’s initial boldness to walk on water towards Jesus quickly turns to fear, causing him to sink. Jesus responds, “You of little faith,” He said, “why did you doubt?” . This incident illustrates Peter’s vacillation between faith and doubt.” ~Biblehub

Oh Father, you servant is in a pit of a sinful habit so deep that I cannot rescue myself. The affliction you’ve induce upon your servant may be difficult, but in your steadfast love, I shall trust. Let my heart continue seeking your ways by trusting in You. “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?”~ Heb 12:3-5

A sojourner in the world. God is my King. His steadfast love will sustain and save me. My hope is in Christ. Amen.

Let God’s Word a reminder how much he cares for us.

"therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 14Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; 16 that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. 17 For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears." ~Heb 12

Thank you, O God, for strengthening me by writing this blog. Your servant in battle. Amen